It is by grace I will receive.
I feel that i will get my Shengen Visa today. I rejoice and praise God for this blessings…..
This is the day, in few more hours i will know if i will get my Shengen Visa from the Netherlands Embassy. My feelings where mix in anticipation. But it is your silent whispers Lord or Your immesaries that I am calming my heart and lifting it all to you until the second I will hear from the visa personnel this afternoon.
But before that Father, I would like to take a moment to thank you for giving me this opportunity and to experience this unique calling. You have blessed each steps that I took to reach this far. It is like You have sent angels who are instruments to help me. In all of this, i offer to you my humblest and sincerest praise.
My heart was touched when Mama said her opening prayers the other night. It was humbling to know that her prayers for me are not just because she wanted me to be far, earn and help them but beyond it was her prayer that I will achieve my dreams and ambition there. I am yet to heal and reconcile with myself that I am trully love by her. I lift this to Mama Mary that i may achieve this through my devotion to Her.
Father, I am praying too, that while you give me this beautiful chance to a new life in Rome. I humbly pray that you will prepare a place for me there which is close to You. A place where I can worship you and build my faith stronger. Please don’t let me be too far and vulnerable to temptations and sin. May I merit Your Archangel’s friendship and protection. May St. Jhudiel be my source of inner voice and comfort when i feel too alone and low.
In closing Father, I thank you for giving me Mama Mary Help of Christians as my protectress, my intercessor and my strength in this journey. She had been with me all the time. Her prodding had made me find a safe ground to plant my steps. Her comfort I feel everytime I doubt. Father, i am yet to grow my wings, please bless me and guide me as i earn one feather at a time.
I will not doubt. I believe in You.
Amen.
I am writing this message today to mark this turbulent stage in my life. A point where new opportunities came amidst the trials then being sandwich by another problem. My question is will i shout out to heaven that it’s too much, or cry my heart out in defeat? Yet i know that both will neither give me answers, not solutions to this trials. More i will feel defeat, i will feel burdened by this situations in my family.
Father, i come before you today, i lift up my life, my family and this situation we are in. I humbled down before you, thanking you of the gift of life and the little miracles you send to me everyday. I feel this is part of your testing me, my faith and a prodding that i should never give up. I will not give up Father, but please send me an equal strength to face it, to walk through all this knowing that You are with me, helping me, guiding me, loving me.
Mama Mary, please intercede for me that i may merit from Thy Father the graces which i stand in need. Guide me in every step, in every decision, and in every opportunity that is thrown my way. Send me your angels to paved the path you wanted me to walk, so that i will join the angels in proclaiming your glory in heaven.
Despite all these challenges in my life, I thank you for all the graces, the mercies and the blessings you gave me and my family. Keep us close to you, keep our faith and love strong. May we one day find peace, find fulfillment, find contentment of the simple and humble life you will give us. May by then, we will be able to help others journey on their turbulent times, just as you are doing so in our lives now.
All these i ask and offer in Jesus name, Amen.
The one thing i like reading people’s blog is to learn how they are and see if there are new tricks i can adapt. But then when their litany of words became an outpouring of their negative emotions, it just upsets me. Like it is too much to be meddling with their own problems when i have lots of my own.
Yes, i had given up for now the dream to work as househelp in Spain. I had prayed hard to God about it and even made a pact with Him. But i think it is more of where my heart is right now that made me stay and prayed hard that He will send the ‘big miracle’ i am begging.
I tried to manage the stress i am lately by thinking positive, talking to my bigtime angel Jhudiel and listening to some favorite instrumentals. These nuisance are things i can’t control, they just come popping …
Father, i come at your midst. I humble myself, this present confused and troubled self. I am restless, i felt like dropping a long way with no bottom to see. The thought of even hitting the buttom scared me. It is like i am suspended somewhere between the earth and the endless sky. I have no one i can hold on to, not even the wind that surrounded me while i fall.
Father, my life is a crossroad, a moment….
I have two realizations today; refraining from keeping in touch and reading Malou’s blog depresses me.
The first not because i don’t want to, but i choosed not to because i have enough in my life already to actually meddle to other’s life. I’ve known that Ian had impregnated a woman he is seeing with. Being her bestfriend i should be there to lend opinions or whatever else he needed. But the thought of journeying with him emotionally is something i can’t bare now. I have enough of turmoil in my life that i can almost say “its too much already”. I believed this outcome was a product of his decisions and actions, he is responsible to this consequences. He will survive too, i know. I am offering a prayer for him instead. May the Lord of compassion and life strengthen him and guide him on what he is to do next.
Malou’s blog is an outpouring of her life. She have so many struggles just like any other else. I’ve been following for it for months already to see her photographs, the content is just a bonus if i have enough time. But everytime i do, i can’t help but feel for her and depending on what she is currently facing, her moods and her feelings can swing back and forth like a pendelium. The low times are just worst to my current emotional state. I sympathized for her but i just can’t do more than that. The sadness and negativism is just too much. Still i hope God will guide and give her inner peace.
Before i go home tonight, let me write down my thoughts and my thanks.
I thank the Lord for His goodness, for hearing my prayer that my lens will arrive early before the new Provincial instalation. It did this afternoon. I am so happy because it is in very good condition. Resale value will be high. And i’m sure i can get good pictures with it before i auction it. I would have like not to sell it, but then i need to check my finances. Please Lord, let there be some blessings for me so i get to keep it.
I also thank God for the opportunities lately, if Spain is for me, then im sure He will guide me, i will process my application, i am decided, as to the rest, if it is His will, then it will be for me. This i lift up to you Father.
Also, i got the chance to chat with Jay again, it’s nice to know that he have aspirations of becoming a captain. I pray that he will achieve it and that in every way he will always ask God’s guidance and grace.
I thank you Lord for my guardian angel, he watches over me and made his presence felt. May i heed to his proddings and whispers so i may be spared from sin. May he intercede on my free will and make Your will be my thoughts, my actions and my words.
Lastly, i go home tonight Lord, with hope that you will help my family get through this trying times. May there be a solution and a miracle for us this month. All these i ask in Your mighty name and with Mama Mary’s intercession together with Your son Jesus, amen.
Great is my desire to be allevated from this agony. The burden i bare to see the suffering that my family is carrying. I am put in a point where my horizons, though i see the light, but don’t know how to proceed. I am stranded in the ocean with wild waves tossing my sails. I am drifting and afraid.
Hear me O God, cast away my fears. Steady my sails and bring me to the end of my journey. So i will glorify Your name and proclaim Your goodness to others. Amen.
The day is almost ending, my thoughts drifted to him, to my family, and to the many reasons why i should be holding myself to emotions that i longed. There are far too many reasons i can give myself, yet it will only frustrates me. They are not what my heart longed, what my soul needs. But are practical illussions made by my thoughts. A drape telling me that life is harder than it seemed, hopeless as it look. A state where the norms of the society dictates your place not up there nor far down but just in one corner. So many things came, so many that hurts the heart and make the soul weep.
I write in today Lord, at the same time my prayer to you to all these difficulties and trials i learned, heard and experience at this moment. A time like this when i am so dip amongst the hurts, the dissappointments, the failed expectations, the fears and the worries i have and of those people around me. I need to pause, to tell them all to you, to lift them up and to ask for your help.
These are realities we are experiencing right now. I lift them up to you, touch our heart, mend our dissappointments, let us feel your presence. Heal us Lord, keep us close to You, we are nothing without You in our midst, in our core, in our being. I am yours, we are yours.
